Almost Heroes
by Shenron34
Summary: What if Cloud and the Gang wanted to beat Lewis and Clark to the ocean would it be funny of course it would A/U R&R flames accepted
1. Default Chapter

Almost Heroes Prologue  
  
  
Almost everyone knows about the Lewis and Clark Expedition. Well what most people don't know that there was another Expedition. It was lead by two people their names are  
Cloud Strife and Barret Wallace this is their story...  



	2. Almost Heroes Chap 2

Almost Heroes Chap 1  
  
  
"Faster but not to fast." Cloud Strife said to his cart driver Cid Highwind. " A man's life is at stake." Upon hearing this Cid made the Horses go faster." No no no slow down we must have comfort." said Cloud.  
  
Meanwhile in a nearby town two solders pull out an African American with a gun arm up to the gallows "Dear God have mercy on this man." A priest said. "This man was convicted of drinking and than making a solder waltz with him...do you have anything to say." Said a solder. "Yeah." Replied the African American "When I am dead I want to be lowered from this gallow I want you to kiss my hairy buttocks." "Hang him Hang him the crowd started to cheer  
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Is this the end ummmmm no?  
Read the Next Chapter Two  



	3. Almost Heroes Chap 3

Almost Heroes Chap 3  
  
Just as the African American was about to get hung Cloud Strife intervened. "Hi are you Barret Wallace." Cloud said. "Yes." Barret replied gagging from the rope. "Good." Said Cloud. "People." Cloud said " This man will not be hung I have a contract with President Jefferson himself see?" Cloud held up the Contract He pointed to the letters as he said them "Thomas Jefferson"  
  
The Lewis and Clark expeditions were a well two weeks from Washington DC. Lewis was going to the Pacific Ocean. So he called upon William Clark to help him He would be in History books and no one would stop him...little did Lewis know he had a race with Cloud Strife.  
They finally released Barret. He and Cloud planned to reach the Pacific Ocean before Lewis and Clark. "Why do you want me?" Asked Barret. "What why didn't you get William Clark?" "Don't you think I tried?" replied Cloud. "Meriwether Lewis got to him first." "I'm sick and tired of hearing Lewis and Clark this. Lewis and Clark that." Than all of a sudden he jumped to his feet and exclaimed "They will be merely a footnote to a footnote, and I will be the...note!" but the board he was standing on gave way and he literally did a back flip and hit the ground. "Ohhhhh." Is all Barret managed to say  
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this is it K K stay tuned for Chap 4  



	4. Almost Heroes Chap 4

Almost Heroes chap 4  
  
"Our journey will be a hard one. Fear is what will be for breakfast, and stark raving terror our daily luncheon." Said Cloud to anyone who would listen. "We will fight savages and bears isn't that right Mr. Wallace" Barret looked up from his plate with a big piece of beef hanging out of his mouth. "I'd be more worried than the savages then the bears. It's common knowledge that the savages are known to spilt open a white mans head and eat the brains with crudely fashioned forks." "Have you witnessed such atrocities Mr. Wallace?" Asked Cloud " I've seen the forks." replied Barret.  
  
A few hours later a man with a whiskey bottle and a glass came to Barret. "You look like a man you knows his whiskey." The man said to Barret " I'm sorry sir but I can't." Barret replied to the man. "I'm not talking about getting blind drunk I'm talking about a taste." The man poured some whiskey in to the glass and than gave Barret some, and Barret than stanched the bottle and said "Get your own damn bottle"  
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that is it for chapter 4 check up on 5  



	5. Almost Heroes Chap 5

Almost Heroes chap 5  
  
  
Barret woke up with a headache than he noticed that he was in a barn on some hay. "I had Cid put you in here last night." said Cloud walking in the barn. "There's something wrong with that damn whisky. My head is splitting open." said Barret rubbing his head. "I'm surprised you're even hung over at all considering the amount you regurgitated in the harpsichord." replied Cloud. Barret got up and started walking "Well I'll be going now" said Barret. " Wait I cannot go on this trip without you I'm willing to give you a full partnership what do you think of that" Cloud said " I think it's not worth they spit you wasted saying it." replied Barret "I'm also willing to pay you a 100 dollars" offered Cloud "200" said Barret "125" said Cloud "150"said Barret " Deal" agreed Cloud. Barret turned his head and smiled at the sight he was looking at. "Our names will be on the lips of...many influential lips. Mr. Wallace are you listening to me." said Cloud turning his head to the sight that Barret was looking at and he gasped at the pigs having sex. "I think the pigs would like their privacy." said Cloud. " Hell paid good money to see this in Louisville on stage...of course the were dressed like the King and Queen of France" said Barret "Ha costumes legitimate theater" said Cloud  
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this is it for 5 look up for 6  



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